Hope Falls_If I Fall Read online

  He turned to look at her with a smile. She smiled back, immediately feeling more relaxed and reassured that perhaps she wasn’t going crazy. When he smiled at her like that, he felt like an old friend, one who could read her thoughts and put her at ease.

  “What are we getting into here?” he asked.

  She was tempted to tell him about the hike ahead, to deliberately misunderstand him and take the pressure off, but she wasn’t that much of a coward. She shrugged. “I don’t know, but it scares the hell out of me.”

  “It does?”

  She nodded as she turned into the parking lot at the trailhead. “I’m not saying I don’t like it, but I have no idea what to do with it. I will say I’m relieved that you feel it too—and even more so that you’re prepared to talk about it.

  He nodded. “I told myself I could try to ignore it, but that’s not going to be possible.”

  Relief flooded through her. “So, what do you say we just roll with it, see where it goes?”

  He nodded again. “It’s not my usual MO, but then I don’t see what else we can do.”

  She smiled and brought the motorhome to a stop. “I say we have fun with it. With each other.”

  He reached across and cupped her cheek in his hand. “Okay.”

  She closed her eyes as he lowered his face toward hers. She opened up to him as he kissed her. How could it feel so right?

  Eventually, she lifted her head and looked deep into his eyes. “What are you doing to me?”

  The corners of his lips lifted in the tiniest hint of a smile. “I was about to ask you the same thing.”

  ~ ~ ~

  It took them a good couple of hours to reach the falls. Sully was impressed by the way Jess pushed on, undeterred by the steep terrain or the rocks they had to climb in places. The morning had started chilly, but it was a beautiful warm fall day by the time they stood before the cascading water and the serene pool it filled.

  She turned to look at him. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

  “Gorgeous,” he agreed, thinking more about her face than the waterfall.

  “Do you mind if I just take off with my camera for a few minutes?”

  He grinned. “Not at all. Go do your thing.” Not only did he not mind, but he was also happy that she had such a passion. As he watched her, she was engrossed in her work, finding the right angle, switching lenses. She wasn’t one of those women who wanted the whole world to revolve around the two of them. She didn’t want or need him to entertain her or devote all his attention to her. He’d never understood women like that. She simply wanted to share the experience of the hike with him.

  He wandered over to the water’s edge and began to throw pebbles in, watching the ripples circle out from where they disappeared under the surface. His thoughts turned to Patrick again. Remembering the time he’d used the analogy of ripples in water. Every action, he’d said, was like a stone falling into water, it’s repercussions spreading from the point of entry and rippling away to cause waves in all directions, altering conditions far removed from the original action. He sighed. Patrick’s death had certainly sent ripples through his mind. What he didn’t know was whether the repercussions would spread as far as his life, or whether they would remain in the field of thought.

  He watched Jess walk with her camera, seeking out just the right vantage point to get the shot she was after. She’d affected his mind already; would he allow her to affect his life? Would she even want to? Or was he simply overthinking now that he’d let his mind out of its usual box?

  “Hey,” she called. “You have to come see this!”

  He smiled and followed to where she was standing on the far side of the pool. She pointed up to where the water was cascading from the ledge high above. “Can you see the rainbow?”

  He looked up through the mist of droplets and smiled as he did, indeed, see the rainbow.

  “I love rainbows,” she said. “They always seem so hopeful. Like they’re a reminder that there is still beauty to be found even when it’s raining.”

  Sully smiled. “That beauty wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t raining; it’s the light shining through the water that makes the rainbow possible. Beauty can be found even in the saddest times if you look hard enough for it.”

  She looked surprised at his words, but she couldn’t be as surprised as he felt—where the hell had that even come from? “Do you know why it’s called Hope Falls?” he asked, wanting to move the conversation on from his deep and meaningless babble.

  “No, do you?” She was obviously hoping he would tell her, but he had no clue.

  “I don’t. I was just wondering.”

  She smiled. “I’d rather it was called Hope Rises. I mean, it’s so beautiful; it doesn’t feel like a place where hopes should fall or be dashed.

  “I don’t think falling is always a bad thing, do you?” Shit, there he went again! What was he doing?

  She met his gaze. “Maybe not, but you have to admit, it does sound scary.”

  Too right, it did! He nodded, and couldn’t help himself. “It does, but maybe that’s part of it. It’s scary, but it’s okay to fall if you have the right person there to catch you.”

  She looked deep into his eyes, seemingly searching for something. He wouldn’t be surprised if she were checking whether he was mocking her. Even to his own ears it sounded pretty cheesy, but it seemed he couldn’t help it around her. He just kept spouting this shit! He smiled and shrugged.

  Jess lifted her camera and began to shoot; he guessed she was trying to capture the beauty of the rainbow. He wondered if that was ever possible.

  She surprised him when she spoke after a little while. She still had her camera held up to her face. “What do you think it would look like if I were to fall?”

  It took him a moment to process her words. He knew she didn’t mean fall from the rock she was perched on. “Honestly, I have no idea. I’ve been asking myself the same thing.”

  She let her camera down and peered at him. “You have?”

  He nodded. “I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve been trying to convince myself that my reaction to you is a result of being overstressed for too long capped off by grief. You are the embodiment of everything Patrick kept telling me I needed to find in life.”

  She stared at him then took a deep breath. “You are the embodiment of everything I’ve been telling myself doesn’t exist in life.”

  He raised an eyebrow and waited for her to explain.

  She gave him a weak smile. “This is going to sound so sappy; you’re probably going to run back down the hill just to get away from this crazy woman. You feel like coming home. Which is ridiculous enough in itself, and even more so when you remember that I’ve never really had a home, so I wouldn’t even know what it’s supposed to feel like. All I know is that you feel like you’re my safe place, my happy place; you make me relax, and you make me feel like everything is all going to be okay.”

  He sucked in a deep breath.

  “I know, I know, I’m sorry!” she said hurriedly. “It’s stupid, and I shouldn’t have told you. Now we’re just going to have an awkward climb back down until you can safely get away from me.”

  He stepped toward her and closed his arms around her. “Would you just shush for a minute? My reaction was because everything you said is exactly how I feel about you. You put it into better words than I could have, and I wouldn’t have been as brave as you; I wouldn’t have dared to say it all. But Jess...” He tucked his fingers under her chin and tilted her head so she was looking up into his eyes. “I feel the same way. When I looked into your eyes yesterday, that was exactly how I felt—like I was coming home. I don’t know what’s going on between us. I don’t know what you’re doing to me, but I can tell you that I like it. I like it a lot. And I would love for us to explore it and see where we can go with it. What do you say?”

  Her big blue eyes were round as they searched his face. He didn’t know what she was looking for, but he could tell the moment s
he found it. Her face relaxed, and she smiled. “I say yes, please. I would love to explore whatever the hell is going on between us.” She reached up and pecked his lips.

  He hugged her to his chest and rested his chin on the top of her head. Whatever the hell was going on between them, it had him hoping that he wouldn’t ever have to let her go.

  Chapter Seven

  When they got back to the motorhome, Jess turned on the stove. She wanted a nice warm drink. It had been a beautiful day, but over the last hour as they made their way back down, the sun had dropped below the horizon, and it had turned cold. She was chilled.

  She smiled at Sully. “Hot chocolate?”

  “I’d love one. Is it okay if I use the bathroom?”

  “Of course. That’s what it’s there for.”

  He smiled. “I didn’t know if you had to be hooked up or how it worked. I’ve never been in one of these things before.”

  She laughed. She could see that it wasn’t exactly his style. “It’s fine. You only need to hook up to empty the tanks, and in most places you can hook up to the electric supply. I have a generator, too.” She waved him toward the bathroom. “But I can tell you as much as you want to know when you come out.” She pulled two mugs down from the cabinet and emptied the sachets of her favorite cocoa into them.

  While the water boiled, she fetched two camping chairs from the storage cupboard and set them up outside. It was chilly, but now she had her jacket and hot cocoa, she wanted to sit out and watch the stars come out as the sky turned dark.

  Sully appeared and stood framed in the doorway. She couldn’t quite get used to just how gorgeous he was. He had to be over six feet tall, and he was just the kind of broad shouldered and narrow hipped that got her all hot and bothered when she saw it on TV. When it was standing in the doorway to her motorhome, and looking at her as though it wanted to undress her and spend the night exploring what was going on between them, it left her speechless and a little light headed! “What’s up?” she asked. Trying to get back to normal.

  He smiled. “Nothing’s up. Nothing at all. Just thinking how beautiful you are sitting there like that.”

  “Seriously?”

  He laughed. “Seriously. You don’t take compliments well, do you?”

  She shook her head. “No. I don’t like them.”

  “Why not?” He came out and squatted down beside her chair.

  “I guess I’m just not used to them.”

  “Then you’d better start getting used to them, Jess. Because you truly are beautiful, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to stop telling you that.”

  She smiled. Was all this too good to be true? It certainly seemed it. She reached out and touched his cheek. “You’re too sweet; do you know this?”

  He shook his head. “I’ve been called many things in my time, but sweet was never one of them.”

  She laughed. “I can imagine a few other things you might have been called.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah? Like what?”

  She lowered her eyes. “Sexy for starters.”

  He swaggered his shoulders making her laugh again. “I’m glad you noticed.”

  “Hmm, a little big-headed, too, maybe?”

  He hung his head with a mock sorrowful look. “On occasion, maybe.”

  “And a genuinely good, decent guy,” she added.

  He nodded solemnly. “That’d be me. Duty bound if you must know.”

  “You say that like it’s a shortcoming?”

  He shrugged. “I never used to think so, but lately, I’ve been questioning it.”

  She waited as he stared away into the dusk. She wanted to ask why, but she had the feeling he was asking himself that very question.

  Eventually, he turned to look back at her. “I’ve devoted my life to duty, to doing what I believe to be right.” He shrugged. “I guess I wanted to be a hero, or at least to see myself as one.”

  “But you don’t?”

  “I don’t.” He sighed. “Yes, I do a necessary job, but it comes at a cost. If you give the job everything it needs, there’s no room for a normal life outside of it. I watched Patrick give his whole life to the job, and I admired him for it. But it came at a cost, a cost to him and his family. His reasoning was always that he’d make it up to his family when he retired. He only saw three weeks of retirement before he died.”

  Jess waited, not sure what to say, not sure whether he’d finished.

  “You said you thought I was at a crossroads, and you were right. I have to decide if I want a life or just the career.” He held her gaze for a moment. “I’m reaching the conclusion I’d like to have a life, but I don’t see how I can turn my back on the career, turn my back on my sense of duty.”

  “Surely there’s a way to do both?”

  He sighed. “If there is, I don’t know anyone who’s found it.”

  She wondered how it must feel. She couldn’t imagine being torn by two conflicting needs. Everyone needed to have a life, at least she thought so, but how could someone so driven by duty give it up? How could they enjoy life if they had to stop being all of who they were to live it? It was her turn to sigh as the realization dawned on her that he wouldn’t be able to give it up. Whatever magic was happening between them, it was simply a moment in time for him. She needed to stop her silly imaginings of a happily ever after. She felt suddenly certain that after their little interlude here in Hope Falls, Sully would return to his work and never look back. She might be a fond memory to keep him warm, but she wouldn’t be anything more than that. She just knew it. The understanding saddened her, but she was glad she’d reached it now, before she let herself get any more carried away than she already was. She knew she couldn’t allow herself to fall for him. Yes, she’d enjoy whatever time they got to share, but she must not fall.

  ~ ~ ~

  Sully watched Jess’s face. He wasn’t sure she could understand where he was coming from. Hell, he wasn’t sure he did. He was finally waking up to the fact that there was more to life. He didn’t know how he could find a way to have it all, but he was damned if he wasn’t going to try.

  He raised his mug to her in a toast. “Anyway, right now we’re both on vacation. I don’t have to figure it all out. I’d rather just enjoy this time.”

  She smiled, but it didn’t light up her eyes in the way he’d already grown used to. “You’re right.” She raised her mug. “Here’s to enjoying today, no one ever knows what tomorrow will hold.”

  He wanted to believe that she was talking about them, that she meant that good things might be possible between the two of them, but somehow it didn’t quite feel like she was. If anything, there was an edge of sadness to her words. He shrugged it off. He didn’t need to go looking for problems; he’d deal with any that arose when he met them.

  When their cocoa was gone, and full dark had descended, she smiled at him. “I suppose we’d better get you back.”

  He nodded slowly. He’d been hoping that they could just camp out here tonight. He was loving sitting out under the stars, the feeling that there was just the two of them with no one else for miles around. “I wish we could stay here.” The words were out before he could stop them.

  She smiled. “I do, too, but there are big fines for overnighting where you’re not supposed to.”

  “Ah.” He was a little surprised that she was the one wanting to play by the rules. Or maybe she just wanted to take things slowly. After all, if they did stay here it would mean both of them sleeping here—and they both knew that would mean sleeping together. He wanted her; he had since he first laid eyes on her. He’d spent far too much time today adjusting his pants, trying to hide just how much he wanted her. He was pretty sure from the way she kissed him, the way she melted against him and the needy little moans that escaped her lips when he held her to him, that she wanted him, too. But this was all moving so fast. Maybe she needed more time. He stood quickly, his decision made, but still needing to go through with it before desire changed h
is mind for him. “I guess we’d better get going then.”

  She got up and started folding the chairs and storing them. Her mood seemed to have changed and not for the better. He stopped her before she got into the camper, putting a hand on her shoulder and turning her to face him.

  “Are you okay?”

  She nodded without meeting his gaze.

  “What is it, Jess?” He knew there was something.

  Eventually, she relaxed and smiled up at him. “I guess I’m tired. It’s been a long day. It’s been a long few weeks if I’m honest. And to tell you the truth, I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

  He smiled back. He knew that feeling, and was happy that she would admit it. “Me neither. I lay there all night thinking about this girl I met.” Her smile was still a little sad, and he didn’t understand that. “I guess I’m going to be doing the same thing again tonight, aren’t I?”

  She nodded.

  So that was it, she didn’t want to rush into bed with him. He could understand that. Hell, he respected it. “Can I see you tomorrow?”

  She nodded again. “I’d like that.”

  “Do you want to meet me at the café for breakfast?”

  She smiled. “I’ll meet you at the café, but I want to take you out for breakfast.” Her smile was more genuine again now; he had to wonder what she had in mind. He laughed when she waggled her eyebrows at him. “You’ll just have to trust me.”

  “Oh, I do.” It was true. He did trust this woman that he barely knew more than he trusted most people. As he followed her back into the motorhome and she drove them back into town he had to wonder why, and more importantly what he was going to do about it.

  When they pulled up back at the café, he looked across at Jess. She was the most beautiful woman he knew. He wanted more than anything to take her up to his room and spend the night with her. She turned to smile at him.